The Most Obnoxious Christmas Letter of 2008



Posted: Tuesday, December 30, 2008

by
Voice of Vicki

December 2008

Feliz Navidad and Bon Mots to all of our dear friends!

Many of you have expressed disappointment (and shed a few tears) because our family didn't host our traditional grand holiday party this year. So sorry, we were off shore' hiding all our money!

Thank goodness we pulled out of the stock market a year ago. They say cash will be king in the years ahead, so put a crown on our heads! Did I mention in last year's letter how much our house has appreciated in value? Well, add one hundred K to this year's equation! We feel remarkable.

Bamboo and Buckminster are typical young teens, asking Santa for all the latest high tech devices. Who can blame them? Internet speed cannot get high enough for me. The kids are both so popular and good looking that it's friends, friends, friends around here! That's fine with us, as long as those grades stay at the top of the honor roll, as usual.

Of course we've been coping with the usual strains of responsible living. The family motto, "Throw money at it!' hasn't failed us yet, so let's hope a certain anonymous' donation to the new administration really pays off. We have a new light bulb policy at home that we feel very, very good about. Finding the right balance of nutritional supplements has been a big challenge for Barry this year. And me-well, I'd just like to find the right balance of massage, facials, and Veuve Clicquot! Just kidding, or JK' as the kids say. Also, a note about mums: she has pulled herself together beautifully, and in the end, it's all about the dosage.

My work is going great-as you may have noticed when you Google me. I honestly think I'm making about a hundred dollars a minute freelancing from home, and it's so easy! The words just come to me and spill out effortlessly. Like now-oops-Barry says to wrap it up.

Thanks for all the darling pics of your pets and kids. I've enclosed a shot of the mausoleum we built for our brave little Blahnik, and please observe the copyright restrictions on our family portrait.

Hugs and kisses and happy 2009!!!

From the Thanuse Family,

Mora, Barry, Bucky and Bamboo

by Vicki Amorose_www.voiceofvicki.com

Vicki Amorose is a professional voiceover talent and writer. http://www.voiceofvicki.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by Liz
from Delaware 3 years 28 days ago.
I believe that I have received this same letter from a few of my "friends" this year and last year too! This was hysterical!  I was always horrified at the notion of the Christmas family form letters that we receive.
 
As I approach 40, I often consider sending a letter to everyone bragging that I have yet to be in therapy, rehab, a hospital, bankruptcy, foreclosure, a Ponzi scheme, Gamblers Anon or ANY Anonymous, arrested, car accident, on reality TV and have never been abused or neglected or diagnosed with ANYTHING. Then I'm afraid I won't receive any cards next year!
 
In case anyone is offended with my fairy-tale life; I've been divorced, have bad vision, and I yo-yo diet just so I have something to complain about!
 
Thanks for the laugh!
 
Oh, and I use too many exclamation points!
» left by Vicki Amorose 3 years 27 days ago.
Thanks Liz!
Maybe we should start a contest for the most obnoxious holiday letter. We'll make it an annual event.
» left by Liz from DE 3 years 27 days ago.
The funniest would be if I sent an email to "them" with a link this letter and tell them to just change the names to fit my family...maybe they would get the point! ;)
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